33 cuts

Some ppl 'r addicted to smoking
some 'r addicted to drugs,
many 'r addicted to alcohol
n some 'r sex .. 'n there is more stuff out there that can b addicting ...



Me ..? I'm addicted to cutting ..

For not knowing the reason 'y I do it .. but I kinda enjoy doing it ..

And sometimes I even burn myself with a cigarette butt ...
I don't think it's an addiction not even seeking for attention .. it must b simple

as a CRY FOR HELP !!!

It's been 4 to 5 yrs now that I haven't done it .. this is b'coz I made a promise ..

a promise that I would break ...



I would attempt to cut myself 33 times wherever part of my body i want ..

33 cuts 'cos 33 would b my age on June 7 .. And those 33 cuts would have meaning ..

The 33 yrs of my unfortunate event , my miserable .. And I'm not saying that I never had a good memories from that 33 yrs.

But all I can remember is saddest, baddest, loniless, ppl treated me bad blah!blah!blah! all negative thoughts .. So don't get me wrong ..



cut #1: the day I was born

cut #2: my mom left without even saying goodbye n to think she'll comes back but

cut #3: she never came back

cut #4: growing up with relatives

cut #5: punished by something I didn't do

cut #6: relatives hidding foods from u

cut #7: a present that have promised but never had it

cut #8: sleeping underneath a dining table

cut #9: telling me to b st8

cut #10: never had x'perience elem. field trip

cut #11: no parents present on my graduation day

cut #12: my 12 bday

cut #13: a slice of pizza

cut #14: have to shared a room

cut #15: never had our own place

cut #16: tho I don't had a mother but I still do have my father

cut #17: i shoulda studied better

cut #18: learned how to smoke

cut #19: when i discovered cutting .. instead hurting thus ppl who had hurt .. I rather hurt myself so they can see how much they've hurt me ..

cut #20: got addicted to cutting myself eventho there's no such reason ..

cut #21: first day to a foreign country

cut #22: I never really want to leave my home (philippines)
cut #23: broken hearted

cut #24: meeting new faces 'n 'b friend with 'em

cut #25: another broken heart

cut #26:

cut #27:

cut #28:
cut #29: 4 yrs of relationship that I didn't know ended a 3 yrs ago

cut #30: a promise that I kept

cut#31: that promise is not to cut myself

cut#32: really tempted to do it

cut #33: and now I'm back from doing it ...



Sometimes I asked myself 'y I do this ..!?..

But seems not to find the correct answer ..

All I can think of is: this ppl hurt me .. I'll show 'em how much they hurt me ..

But no matter how much cut I made .. I sometimes doesn't seem to feel the pain ..



.. Maybe If I should try talking to someone, 'n maybe that someone would help ..!?.. Help me to clear my head .. Help me to find the answer ..



I know what I'm doing is stupid .. selfish .. child-like ..



And I know ppl or friends would avoid me from doing such thing instead of helping me out.. B'coz they're prob'ly don't wnna b around someone like me ..
Well, what's new with that ? they been doing it lately .. or to begin with ...